


Deep shadows and brilliant highlights

by Kat_Of_Dresden



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Rumbelle - Freeform, Sad, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Woobie Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 04:08:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2373947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_Of_Dresden/pseuds/Kat_Of_Dresden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Belle finds out about Zelena's death and the dagger. Rumple feels he has nothing to live for and decides to end it all. Emma finds him. Dark themes. Heavy Rumple angst. Sad. Rumbelle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Belle stormed off without a word, but no words needed to be spoken.

He had lied to her - again. He had betrayed her. She found out about the dagger, she found out about Zelena. She found out that he hid it and played innocent. It was all over.

For the umpteenth time, he'd made the wrong choice. That's all he ever knew to do, wasn't it? Wrong choice after wrong choice, making the people he loved distance themselves from him. Making them hating him, making them resent him. Becoming an unpleasant part of their lives. He had never deserved them anyways. And with every choice, with every act, he proved just how unworthy of them he was. He was nothing but a villain and a coward, who couldn't choose love even when it was the only thing that made his life worth living.

All those things, all that magic - that meant nothing. It was useless - it had value some time ago, yes, there had been a time when power and magic were enough to make him... if not happy - at least generally satisfied. But then Belle reappeared and then he found Bae and he realised how empty his life had been. How hollow. It had taken a while, and some struggle on both sides, but he had somehow managed to get them, both Bae and Belle to care for him.

And then Bae died and life stopped making sense.

There were no words to describe how it felt to see his son die. To know he was dead. He had lost people before, but this...He had just got him back. And he had wanted to spend his life making it up to him, making up for each and every past mistake, helping him with his life, reminding him that he was there for anything he needed. He wanted to be father he never was, or at least, leave a good memory. Get his son to smile at him again. But after centuries of looking, after so many days, and months and even years of utter regret and he'd found him and lost him in the blink of an eye.

And the grief... It was unspeakable, it tore him apart, it burnt him from inside. He wanted to scream and weep until the world ended. He wanted to stay near his grave, he wanted pictures, he had needed to say goodbye. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. But he had become the puppet of that woman and couldn't even do that. Couldn't do anything but what she said.

Because he was the Dark One and could be used and controlled with an object. That had been a wrong choice too. All of it were. All his life.

After Bae was gone, it was Belle who made everything bearable. Who had stood by his side, who had shown him kindness. And much more than that. So much more than he deserved. So he had wanted to keep her close, because if Belle was with him maybe things could still go right. Maybe life could make sense again. Maybe he wouldn't get lost in darkness because he had her light with him - maybe she'd help him make the right choices. But her light hadn't been enough.

You always choose darkness. Regina had told him that, not so long ago. He had thought she was wrong, but she wasn't.

He always did choose darkness. Made the wrong choices and then lied about it.

Now he had lost Belle. Forever.

Their marriage was based on a lie and she wasn't going to forgive that.

He had no one.

He hated himself.

Maybe it would be best to end it all.

After all, hadn't he been a coward all his life? This seemed a fitting end.

But he didn't want pain - he'd had more than enough of that. And no magic, either, it had caused more problems than it had solved. It had been the reason he'd lost Bae in the first place. It had been the reason he'd been a slave to Zelena and done all those things - lost his own will. But he was nothing without magic - and he knew it. He couldn't ever let go. But for this last act he wanted something nice.

Something to distract him from Belle's icy look as he left the shop. Something that had nothing to do with all the mistakes he'd made, something that could make him think that he was someone better, something else. Something sweet.

The sweet death.

He had a car - well, not exactly he but Mr. Gold had a car, very hig end, very elegant - that he hadn't used much. It had just been there, sitting and gathering dust, for many many years. A non-magical thing that had almost no relation to him. Perfect.  
Besides, he wanted something sweet and painless, but slow. Something that gave him time, time to realise he was dying. To bask in the sensation. The setup was simple enough, and in a matter of minutes he had his own carbon monoxide poisoning kit all ready.

He sat in the car and put it in motion.

Strangely enough, this time, for once, he felt he was making the right choice.

Now Belle would be free and maybe she would finally find someone that was worthy of her. Someone who wouldn't lie to her. Someone with whom she could be truly happy, someone to make up for all those horrible years locked up (He should have gone looking for her and not take Regina to her word and why hadn't he? Because he was a coward, that's why).

He wouldn't have to miss Bae anymore, wouldn't have to regret all that had happened. Wouldn't have to see Belle's look of hurt and disappointment - god, he couldn't bear that. Not anymore.

His head ache and his vision swam. The gas was starting affect him - good. Let it do its job.

He wondered what would the people of Storybrooke make of his death. Someone would probably mention it was the coward's way out. Well, yes. He was a coward. Not brave enough to choose love. Not brave enough to face the consequences of his actions. Just... not enough. He imagined Granny saying "Good riddance!" of something of the sort. Yes, many people would be glad. Himself included.

He started to feel dizzy, his thought getting all jumbled in his head. The headache was horrible and his lungs ached. Good. The was only one thought in his mind, one thing that was worthy of being thought.

I'm sorry, Bae. I'm sorry, Belle. You deserved so much better. Much better than this coward.

It would be over soon.

He let go.

Let go.

Let...  
-

Emma didn't know what pulled her to Gold's shop. She was supposed to ask him something about magic. She didn't remember what was it. But the thing was, when she got in the shop something felt off. It shouldn't, there was nothing broken or out of place. It was probably just her. Still...

There was something odd.

"Gold?" She called. "You there?"

He wouldn't have left the shop open if he wasn't in, he was too careful for that. And there were too many doors open.

"Gold?"

Maybe this called for some Sheriff-ing. And she was still the sheriff, wasn't she?

She followed the trail of opened to doors to a closed and dark garage.

"Oh...no"

A/N: Reviews would be nice ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so there will be two endings to this thing. The one where Emma finds Gold in time (this one) and the one where she's too late (the next one). You can read the one you like most, read both.Next one is more tragic, obviously.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit"

Was all Emma could think as she opened the door of the car, to try and get out the unconscious figure form the inside. Maybe she wasn't too late.

She was the saviour after all, maybe she'd been drawn to the shop to save Gold.Why did she always had to find herself in situations like that?But there was no time to complain - she had a life to save.

She opened the car door and coughed, it smelled terrible inside. Took the man out. He was still alive, even if unconscious and responsive an pale and horribly limp. She tried to wake him up but he wasn't answering, so she just tried to move him. She managed to get him in her car (Where did that strength come from?) and drove to the hospital, fast, so fast, too fast. Fast enough to think only int he speed, in the road, in the curves - drown al other thoughts.

No time to wait for ambulances. No time to wait at all.

He was taken by the medical personnel when she arrived at the hospital and Emma started to think - what to do now? Her responsability ended there, didn't it? Gold was taken care of, Doctors were with him.

She should probably call Belle, as she was his wife. But the fact that Gold had done THAT suggested that they weren't exactly on good terms which was odd, because they'd had been looking very happy lately. Wedded bliss and that kind of thing - hell, they had looked better than ever. Something really big must have happened for Gold to lose all hope like that. To make him do something so drastic. But that was not her problem. The people on the hospital were the ones that were supposed to contact his next of kin and she was just supposed to investigate if there was any criminal intent, something suspicious behind it.

And that she did.

She went back to the shop to make sure that there was nothing that suggested someone else had intervened and put Gold in that car against his will. It wouldd have been a very smooth way of taking him out of the picture.... But no, nothing. There wasn't - not a single thing that pointed to anyone but himself. Although tracks could be erased with magic... She would have to ask him when he woke up, even it the case seemed to be quite clear.

"And you also should know by now..."

A voice shook Emma out of her thoughts. It was Belle, looking flustered and teary on the doorway, and apparently she had something more to say. So the hospital hadn't reached her yet. Maybe she didn't even have a cell, come think about it. But now she was here so Emma would have to break the news. Ugh.

"Emma... What... what are you doing here?"

"Just finishing something work related." She smiled. Come on, Emma, spit it out. She thought, but couldn't. It was too tough. Too personal.

"Is Rumple here?"

"He's in the hospital." Emma said, not wanting to give any more detail.

"In the hospital? Has there been a break in?" Belle asked, still wondering why Emma was there looking around.

"Not... exactly. Am I right to assume that you guys were in a big fight recently?"

Belle was taken aback. How did she know that? Why on earth would Rumple tell Emma of all people?

"Ok, I'll get it over with." Emma said, and sighed. This was not easy. "He tried to kill himself. That's what happened, I came here to see if there was anything that suggested someone else was involved, but there isn't. I'm sorry."

"He... He did what?"

"I'm sorry. Do you need me to give you a ride to the hospital?"

Belle closed the door loudly and stormed off. How dare he? He should up there in there, ready to face the consequences of what he'd done. He should listen to what she had to say and put up with her looks of disappointment. He should know that she wasn't just another person he could play with, and only be half-truthful. And he did.

But on the other hand...

He had been through hell, lately. Had killed his father and then got back only to watch his son die. After spending so long looking for him and after finally managing to get along with him, again. It was rough. Yes, he should have never lied to her but... Part of her understood, even if she would never do such a thing. But she was only one he had left. He'd lied so she wouldn't leave. And when she found out and actually left...

She'd been wrong to think that the monster was gone, wrong to think that it wouldn't come back in such a dark time. It was part of him and would still be there for a long time. That didn't mean that the man behind it, who had been so heroic after they got home from Neverland wasn't there too.

She went to the hospital, despite herself.

Dr. Whale sent her a sympathetic look (he knew too well what it was to feel that amount of despair, to want to end it all) when she came in and explained a bit the situation, what had happened, how he was. Rumple was unconscious but stable, although they would be keeping a close eye for sequels because they were not uncommon in this kind of situation. Delayed effects, he called them, not uncommon. Belle was still very conflicted about the whole situation.

A big part of her was still terribly angry and wanted nothing to do this man. There had been too many lies, in things that were too important. A part of her wanted to break free, to have a clean start. Share her life with someone less complicated, someone who was all man and no monster. But she knew that was not in the cards.

If she left, she would miss him, think about him every day. She had left once - and had been glad to have him back. With all his lights and shadows. She couldn't justify what he had done, but she could continue having the beneficial influence she'd always had on him and enjoy his company as much as possible. So she stayed in the hospital - beside his bed.

Her beloved was so troubled. Haunted. Dark.

But part of her knew that she wouldn't have loved him like he did if he was a beacon of light, like Charming. She hadn't just liked the possibility of change - she had enjoyed the shadows as well.   
So, maybe she hadn't wanted them to be this dark. That didn't mean they had to disappear.

They just needed to find a balance.

And this... this just another obstacle in their road - but they wouldn't let that stop them. No, Belle was going to be there every moment, in every step. Like it or not. She smiled, darkly.

Maybe get shadows of her own to match his.

a/n: If you liked, please review ^^


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the sadder ending. Warning for character death.

Belle was crying. 

She had cried many times before, but none of them were like this. She had lost him many times before, but none of them were like this. He was gone, forever and ever and if she ever wanted to bring him back she would have pay a excessively dark price. No, she couldn’t do that. She had to accept that he was gone.

But she couldn’t. She didn’t want to. She wanted to spend her life with him, a life they had just begun living. She had wanted wanted years and years and years, decades even. She had wanted mornings the two of them when she woke up before him and watched him sleep. He wanted adventures where the two of them together, she wanted to help him do more magic, she wanted long days and weeks without magic, she wanted breakfasts and strolls on the forests and lughs and many many more dances. 

But beyond all, she’d wanted him. With his light and his darkness. All of him. 

Maybe she hadn’t realised hiw broken he’d been. How Neal’s death and Zelena’s imprisonment had damaged him. How difficult it had been for him to see his father again after such a long time and not just facing him, but killing him. And then coming back only to lose his son. It really had been a hell of a year and if she thought about it, as much as it hurt, she understood his need to kill Zelena.

She’d been a fool to think the monster gone - it was part of him. It would always be there. And now she had nothing. Not the man, not even the beast she’d hated. Her true love was gone. Rumple - gone, forever. 

The service had been nice, and many Storybrooke folk attended, even though few people were sad about Belle’s loss. Emma and Henry were the most affected beside herself. No surprise there, Emma had been the one that found him. Emma had been the hospital when they tried to revive him and when Belle arrived at the hospital, Emma had been there, teary eyed. And she had huugged her and told her that she was so sorry and that she wished so badly she’d arrived later. 

Emma Swan had lost many people, watched them die in their arms, felt the hole they left in her heart every day that passed. She didn’t want that Belle - she was a good woman, resourceful, brave, the kind of person who stood for herself and those she loved. And Emma may not fully understand why Belle loved Gold so much but she could that she did. 

When she was in the hospital, after having found Gold barely alive she remembered that call. The one Gold made to an amnesiac Belle, reminding her of what a great person she was. What they had intense and tempestive and impossible but wasn’t that was love was supposed to be? And then Belle came in and found her and there was a expression of disbelief of “this cannot be happening” that crossed her face...

But it was horrible, because it was happening and Emma had been there and had taken Gold out of his car and had seen the terrible color he had and how he much he already resembled a body and she didn’t want that. Not just for Belle or Henry but for herself because Gold had been there since she’d came to Storybrooke abd he’d helped sometimes and screwed her other times but he was there, knowing about magic and having helpful trinkets and speaking with that voice and that accent and hadn’t they lost enough.  
And then Emma had hugged Belle there, in the middle of the hospital corridor, because they both needed it and she cried - even though she felt it wasn’t her place to cry. 

And then Dr. Whale had come out and both women knew what he had to say because his face was so full of sorrow. 

“I am truly sorry.” He said.

And two more silent tears ran down Emma’s cheeks and Belle just stood there, frozen, unable to process it. 

“What?”

“There was nothing more we could do.” And his eyes really were sad and Whale was there in the funeral, looking gloomy and unhappy but understanding. And Ruby was next to him, holding his gloved hand, as if assuring herself that he was still there and not doing anything else of the sort. 

Anything like that. It was almost impossible to say the word, it tasted bitter and hurt, but that was what it had been - suicide. 

Rumple had killed himself. Took his own life.

Henry was abated, too. Gold had lights and shadows, but he was last remaining connection he had with his father. A father he had barely known. And he had helped when he was in Neverland and rid him from the toxic influence of Pan and.... he was such an important part of who they were, such an important part of the book and all its characters. 

And Rumple had been judged constantly, feared, suspected - of everything. So, he’d done bad things, so had Regina. But Henry had stood up for her, because she was his mother. Hee’d defended everyone - but him.... Gold had been his grandfather, just like Charming was. But he’d never given his that space - he’d always been distant. 

Regina felt a tremendous amount of loss, looking at Gold’s coffin. She hadn’t expected this, not at all. Not just what happened (no one could have expected that) but what she felt. Last time there had been no body, no funeral, it had felt as if he wasn’t truly gone. And he hadn’t been - he’d returned, but this time... There was no going back from a coffin. Not anymore. And Regina felt terribly melanncholic and alone, because that man had been her teacher, her mentor - he had shaped her and great part of who she was was because of him. 

They had both been hated, feared, they had both been masters of magic. She had gone to him so many times - fought with him or just fought him but he’d been there. Now... there was only light magic people around. Darkness was part of her like it or not, and now there were no other dark people around. He was a complicated man, Gold - but he had been very important to many of them, and Regina now felt they hadn’t given him his space, the recognition he deserved. 

She left a black rose on the coffin and left. 

“Goodbye, old friend. I wil miss you. More than you know.”  
Belle felt an overwhelming amount of grief, and guilt and pain. He couldn’t be gone. Not again. Not ever again. She needed him, she wanted him, she... She couldn’t imagine the days form now on, haunted by memories of him. The last time he had a heroic death, redemption. He’d done to help the rest of them, he sacrificed himself. And that thought had reassured her when she tought him gone in the Enchanted Forest. But now... There was none of that. She had stormed out of his shop and he had ended everything. She knew it asn’t her fault, but...

Why? Why? Why?

How dare you leave me, Rumple? How dare you abandon me me like this? You’ve taken away the person I loved most in my life. 

Why. 

She spent the first night by his grave. 

When she woke up, she was surrounded by flowers and candle. 

From Emma, from Henry, from Regina, even some of the most unexpected people like Ruby or Marco. 

Too late, Belle thought, we’ve all been too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! All feedback welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked! ALL FEEDBACK WELCOME!


End file.
